Well, it’s official now. The ring is on my finger… the year has now begun.
The ring got here about 5 p.m. so I won’t start counting days until tomorrow, just to be fair and honest about it all. But I am already wearing it… it’s funny, because of the meaning I have attached to it for myself I already feel different from wearing it. Is that lame? Probably, but that’s okay. Given this project is about my sexuality, it’s pretty personal, so I guess the only opinion that really matters is mine. Of course I appreciate your support, though.
I still kind of wonder what I’ve gotten myself into sometimes. When you’re as sexual as I am, it’s hard to fathom WILLINGLY going without sex or masturbation for a whole year. That’s the point though… I feel like if I get through this year without it, it won’t have the same power over me.
Don’t get me wrong; I still plan to have and enjoy sex once this year is up, I don’t want to become asexual. All I want is to put sex and sexuality in its place, so to speak. I’m excited to begin… even though I’m sure there will be struggles. My main worry right now is Blake. They were flirting up a storm with me the other day… I have a feeling they will be my biggest temptation. The thing is though is I know that even if Blake and I went down that path, nothing real could come of it… we can’t be together for real. I know how it would go… and I think I’m finally ready to admit I want more than that. Man it would be fun though… I’ll be strong.
I still imagine this year will bring about many changes for me… for the better, and hopefully they last through the long-run. It will be interesting to see what I am like by the end… what has changed in my life. I feel… empowered… just thinking about it. I hope I’m not looking at this through rose-coloured shades. I hope I don’t let myself down.
So, starting tomorrow, my posts SHOULD be daily. I do plan to talk about the temptations I face, the struggles, the benefits… all of it… as I mentioned. So, naturally, it might get a little interesting for you as readers. I guess I’m saying this as a disclaimer… I don’t know.
I never did have that last fling I joked about. I’m not feeling badly about not having one, I’m just being open. As long as I’m being open… I will admit I tend to masturbate every night before I sleep… so that might be interesting for the first little while.
I’m sure I’ll have my struggles at first but “this, too, shall pass”. I’m sure these things get easier as you go… who knows, maybe I won’t miss it as much as I think anyway.
Talk to you tomorrow.